Suck It, Jack Edwards

I’m writing this post for two reasons. One is to pay tribute to a beautiful hip-check, and the other is to make fun of Boston Bruins play-by-play guy Jack Edwards.

First, the hit by Brian Campbell on Brad Marchand:

Fucking beautiful.

 

And now, Jack Edwards:

Yep, that’s him. Just look at him. That is the face of the worst homer in all of nationally televised pro-sports.

Jack Edwards is big part of why I have come to hate the Bruins. Before last year’s playoffs I had no feelings, positive or negative, about the Bruins. But now I hate them, and it’s really hard for me to put into words just how happy it made me to see Boston get blown out by Florida, to see Campbell lay out Marchand, who is a big douchebag, and to know that an even bigger douchebag probably cried himself to sleep that night — it was a triple-header of happiness.

Due to the Bruins (bunch of twats) winning the Cup last year, we all had to put up with far too much of this jackass. Especially myself, since all of the game feeds I got on my NHL package were from Boston.

If you’re asking yourself, “Why does the Lackey hate this guy so much?”, then please go ahead and type his name into YouTube. In case you’re too lazy to do that, I’ve provided below the wrap-up monologue he gave after game 7 against the Canadiens last year.

And they gave that guy a Stanley Cup ring…

Listening to this guy during a game, and hearing him squealing with joy whenever a Bruin throws a big hit, gets in a fight, goes into a scrum or even just chirps a guy, you just know he’s sitting up there in the broadcast booth with a serious boner.

Just as bad if not worse than his vocal ejaculations is when he yells at (yes, as you can see here, actually yells at) opposing teams’ players.

All of this is coming from a guy who has never even played hockey [According to my Google and Wikipedia research].

I really can’t understand how, out of embarrassment, the employers of this histrionic goofball haven’t let him go yet. And, as it seems unlikely that Edwards will be gone any time soon, all I can do is hope and pray that the Bruins get knocked out of the playoffs early next month, so that I can keep my blood pressure at a manageable level throughout the playoffs.

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